Constant quarrels with my teenage son really upset me

DEAR DEIDRE: I CAN’T see eye-to-eye with my son and the constant arguing makes me very upset.

My wife says we are both as bad as each other and very similar.

I am 47 and my son is 13. Lately he has become very cheeky and answered every question I have.

I have to ask him to do one thing several times and it pisses me off.

I admit that we are very similar: we are both stubborn, short-tempered and short-tempered.

I wish I could be calmer and more zen, but no matter how good my intentions were, by the end of the day we usually had at least one terrible shouting match where neither of us is listening and we’re both screaming.

My wife was very upset today. She says that the atmosphere in the house makes her very upset.

She told me that I needed to pull myself together or she would leave me.

She told me that I was setting a bad example and she didn’t want our son to be raised in an unhappy environment.

We recently had a terrible fight after my son pushed past me and I pinned him against the wall, all because he refused to get off his phone and do his homework.

He’s so unreasonable, but to tell you the truth, I lose my temper too quickly.

How can I become more calm?

DEIDRE SAYS: It takes a lot of courage to admit you didn’t get it right and even more to ask for help, and that’s a great step.

It’s empowering and the fact that you want to make a change is important.

I feel the frustration building in your letter and understand how irritated you are when your son doesn’t listen.

If the phone is a major issue in your home, implement phone-free times and zones to give everyone a break from the all-consuming influence of cell phones.

We know that phones and social media are enticing to children, and it is very difficult for them to regulate their use without clear rules and boundaries.

Your son is at the age where he will really start to resist and test boundaries, so it’s important as a couple to be really clear and consistent.

Before things get out of hand, tell your son that you will talk to him when he calms down and stops yelling.

By firmly and calmly putting an end to it, you will eliminate the instability of the situation and will probably find a solution much faster.